The Travails of a Single South Indian

The Travails of a Single South Indian: "The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing" or "Why we don't get any..."

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theaters, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of south Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere diggas, mallus and tams?

Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him
"Parthasarathy Venkatachalapathy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small
businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs.

The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when
in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes. Along with all the girls.

Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.

If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in
a Saharan Seminary.

Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. The have all rematerialized around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have
the gall to talk of foreign origin.)

How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t-shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red t-shirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha".

Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. An average tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at 3 in the
morning. The mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.

Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be.

A nice arranged little love story.

But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and
whispers back "But amma has said only on second saturdays..."

That's all for now folks till "Enna Rascala" returns with another post...

Networking with people – Relationship building

Networking with people – Relationship buildingThink you don’t have time to network? Think again. We all have time for everything. It’s just that we become lazy to do it. We state reasons that we don’t have time for calling a contact, have commitments at home and work-place that we can’t keep aside extra time for keeping in touch with others and we also give it lower importance.

This is actually wrong. Though we get introduced to atleast one new person everyday we fail to keep in touch with one old associate every week!

Just think how you feel nice and happy when one of your old school friend or college friend or old colleague remembers you and calls you to enquire about you and you re-live the great moments spent with them! Why can’t we do the same? What stops us?

It just takes a moment’s conscious decision to do that it hardly interferes with our day-to-day activities. All it requires is a slight shift in attitude.

Now what is networking? Well in plain terms and as I believe in it’s just building relationship with people. It is not only getting to know more people but actually keeping relationships alive that are made in life.

People generally associate networking with something that they will get in return (a job, a lead for sales, etc). But, what I see it as is to just develop a relationship without any expectations and keeping that connection alive with constant interactions. The benefit from it is additional. If we start a relationship with mindset that we will derive something from it then that relationship won’t survive for long.

So, what we can do to networking?

First, whenever you meet someone Smile. People always love a person and remember those who have perennial smile on their face. Even in a tele-call people have the capacity to hear, feel and know whether the person genuinely want to talk and is happy to talk to them.

Secondly, always address people with their names. We all love being called by our name by a person who had just met us one and has taken pains to remember us and recall our name. A person’s name is the sweetest sound to that person.

Thirdly, develop the art to patiently listen to people. People love to talk about themselves, their experiences and opinions on various issues. Actively listening to them with genuine interest will definitely make them remember you.

Lastly, is following up the relationship that’s built. This is my favourite because it not only requires your conscious effort but also asks to battle the ego aspect in us. Why should I call first? Why should I call him/her when even after so many times I have called him/her he does not do the same? It is a small effort you take to keep the relationship alive. It is a gentle tap on the person’s mind and heart and saying, “Hey, I still remember you!” Though people won’t reciprocate immediately but they will remember you. That’s the start.

Just take a few minutes of your precious time on a weekend and call one your old contacts with whom you haven’t talked for long. Call him/her and say, “Hi, how are you? Just wanted to know how you are doing?” just tap each of your relations like this every week and you will see you have kept alive most of your relationships.

Relationships are built with time and effort.

Happy Networking!! :-)

My Little Heart!!

I heard small little steps coming my way,
Then small little hands pulling my hair, so to say.

Wake up! Wake up! The sun has risen,
And the morning has come here to stay.

I opened my eyes but it was a haze,
Then I realized, she was my daughter with a smiling little face.

She had a naughty gleam in her eyes,
And said, “You are the thief and I am the spy!”

This was how she played in the morning with me,
Awakening the child that was within me.

Right way to start the bright, sunny day,
This is my life; there is nothing else to say.

You are a Superhero!

Have you ever wanted to be a super-hero? Well you are not alone. I think all people would at one point of time or the other wanted to be a Super-Hero. I too had always wanted to be a superhero since my childhood. The only change being the kind of superhero I wanted to be like (role models!).

I grew up watching He-Man and Superman. I wanted to fight the evil people, do something good for the society. Then when I was an adolescent the serial of Shaktiman came, the Indian version of Superman. A few years earlier came Harry-Potter and reading the book brought out the little child in me who wanted to be a superhero. It was not Harry I wanted to become but it was Dumbledore - the upright, the saviour, the wizened wizard, noble and simple. The latest being X-Men. I am a huge admirer and fan of Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). In the end the animal with raw power and anger appealed me. The animal who dictated his own terms based on his intuition, conscience and righteousness.

Now, why do we want to be a superhero? This is a question for which I spent time thinking on my experiences and the desire to be one. In this society at present times we are constantly valued and competed with everyone we meet. Be it in studies when in school or college, the salary we draw or post we hold when at work, the dress we attire, the money and property we are worth, the better-half we marry or the kids we have! From the very beginning in life we have been running a race and the goal which is drilled into us is to compete and be better than others if not the best. They are all driven by expectations from parents, friends, colleagues, relatives and the society as a whole.

Now what id the kid is not up to the Great Expectations put down by the society? The poor kid is termed not up to the mark, useless, always compared with others and shown that he is lagging behind. Think of the self-respect and confidence of the kid! It’s blown every time we do this and in the end we have a kid who suffers all this quietly the whole life and never achieve what he could have achieved in the end. He doesn’t tell this out to anybody but secretly wants to be doing great like those with whom he / she has been compared to. And that leads to desires or wants to be a superhero. A normal human who is not of much importance to the society suddenly gets super-natural power and becomes a great person. But think if the kid is hurt and tortured mentally with constant comparisons and negative feedbacks beyond repair! The child might then get into wanting to be a super-villain mode, ready to take revenge! And that’s the danger we all live in today.

But who is a superhero? A human being with super-natural power? One who protects the society from evil? One who stands for what is Right and True? One who fights till the very end? One who is a saviour? One who sacrifices his wants, desires and maybe himself for the well-being of others? If that is so, just close your eyes and think of someone with all the above characteristics and see how many are around you. There are many. We come across a person each day who has the super-natural power (extreme patience, high judgemental power, leadership skills, people management, compassion etc). It’s just that we close our eyes and consciousness to what we see and experience each day.

I saw an old lady, around 80 years old, barely able to walk, hunched. She was walking and suddenly she sees a man fallen down on the footpath / pavement due to hunger, thirst and fatigue. Lot of people just passed, a few saw him made faces and left, a very few saw and felt pity but no one came near him and helped. This old lady, who saw this went to the fallen man, started lifted him and making him sit. She was trying this with great difficulty as she herself is an old person. Seeing this a few people came and helped her doing that thinking the guy was somewhere related to her. She then got him food and water and enquired about it. She told him that she would do something for him when she meets him tomorrow at the same place. This incident made me realise that this old lady was a superhero. It was not what I had believed till now or conceived as in my mind as a superhero. For me now the whole viewpoint changed regarding superhero. This lady came to help the man when no one did, didn’t bother about her situation and health, took extra step in helping him with necessities and promised to do something. Her action also brought in a few people to help her when nobody came near that guy earlier. Aren’t all these qualities are of a superhero? Its then I realised that I am surrounded by superheroes, each of them doing something great very quietly.

For me each one of us is a superhero. We would at one point or the other would have done something extra, gone out of the way to help others. Its just that we don’t realise it. If we do realise now and continuously follow I think our world would become a lot better.

So, for me the lady helping lepers in Kolkatta (Mother Teresa) to the old lady mentioned above are superheroes. A person standing with his/her friend when in trouble, a person helping others when in need, sharing what they have with others, being involved in the upliftment of society may that be in monetary terms, educational terms, or through giving them ge to stand up on their own legs and win are all superheroes. Each good thing we do in life make us slowly transform into a superhero.

We don’t have to great things to become great and bring changes. Each small step we take becomes a path for others to follow and makes a great thing. Its just when we take that small step.

I believe each one of is Superhero. Do you now? J




P.S: Please feel free to write your comments on above irrespective of the nature of it. All your ideas, views and support are highly respected and appreciated. And it would be great if this article or thought or belief I shared today with you make you do something good. I would also appreciate if you also share any experience which you might have come across or small things which you did that you believe is a great job done by you. Thank you.